Call Her Reformed.

Have you ever purposely avoided watching a movie or show, reading a certain book, or listening to a podcast simply because you “don’t like” the person (be it the film star, writer, or host) at the center of the project? At this moment in pop culture, I think we can all conjure the image of a known figure we don’t like, for one reason or another. How much of our distaste is based on bias or prejudice we can’t even really identify? We know there’s something that irks us about (insert name here), but we couldn’t really tell you exactly what that quality is.

I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve realized I do this a lot. And the closer I get to the end of my third decade, I’m starting to unravel a lot of the reasons why, how I can change that, and why I want to.

I was born in 1985, so my formative years were the late nineties and early aughts (I graduated high school in 2003). Looking back, it feels like the Spice Girls were the only females collectively shouting about “Girl Power!” There were so many solo acts and female starlets on the market, each trying to be the thinnest, chicest, prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. The one with the best voice, landing the best roles, becoming the biggest stars. It’s not their fault, as we’re now finding out some 20 years removed from the land of overplucked eyebrows and frosted lips paired with babydoll tees and Steve Madden slides. For so long, women have been relentlessly pitted against each other (Brandy and Monica, Christina and Britney, Nicole and Paris)— when at the end of the day, all to be had at the height of success were eating disorders, mental breakdowns, and plenty of regret. In the last five years, at least, I’m so happy to see that this tide is finally starting to turn. Everywhere I look now, I see so much (overdue) love coming from women in the direction of other women- cheering each other on, recognizing that there is room for all of us at the top. In fact, we make it there faster when we have a solid foundation helping us reach the summit.

So where was I going…. ah, yes. I’ve heard of the super popular podcast “Call Her Daddy” from listening to myriad other shows. I gave a cursory glance at the show’s thumbnail— another pretty, thin blonde, probably a nepo-baby of some kind, doing celebrity interviews. Sigh. Nothing new, nor exciting. Nothing personal against (host) Alex Cooper, I thought, I just don’t have the bandwidth for more senseless ‘celeb chat.’  And then someone recommended the episode in which Alex interviews Megan Fox. Megan Fox! I love her- she’s so misunderstood, and super-hot! Let’s see what she has to say! I’d heard that the conversation was pretty intense. Wait a second. Why was it now okay just because hottie-hot Megan Fox was being featured? Here I am, perpetuating the exact stereotypical behavior I claim to dislike so much! I searched Spotify, found the show, and started listening. And for a little more than an hour, I was transfixed— and feeling guilty simultaneously. Alex Cooper is not “some thin blonde who’s unattainably attractive and had success thrown at her.” She is well-educated, athletic, multi-faceted, extremely capable, articulate, hilarious, and a natural interviewer. She has an enviable ability to make her guests feel completely at ease, and less than five minutes in, it’s always like listening to people who have known each other for years just catching up. On my first listen, I learned a lot about Megan Fox, (who is also just. So. Smart.) but I learned a lot about myself while exploring this show. I feel terrible for pre-judging Alex before I knew what the heck I was talking about. Everyone, of course, is allowed an opinion. At the end of the day though, the adage is true: what people think about you is none of your business! And it’s highly irrelevant. In fact, in 2021, TIME magazine touted Cooper as “…Arguably the most successful woman in podcasting” and she sure as hell is laughing all the way to the bank!

I’m sure everyone with a wee bit of notoriety will absolutely experience the wrath of trolls and haters at some point. Yet my revelation as I kept listening to episode after episode of Call Her Daddy was, indeed, how I’m so grateful for girls (nay, women) like Alex who really want to support other women. Who want to hear other’s stories, build them up, help them grow— and learn. Jane Fonda, one of my personal heroes, was interviewed at the time she was promoting her film 80 for Brady. Referring to what she’s learned in relational therapy, she told Alex, “When you get together in groups, you learn new things— and that changes everything.” I felt chills at this, because I realize— especially in our current political climate— how pertinent this is. I am eternally grateful for my trusted circle of female friends. I’m in awe of their talents, their wisdom, their passions and desires, and the beauty of their open hearts, and willingness to hold space for me there. How incredible to be loved by people who see you as remarkable and want to watch you fly!

Do not let jealousy lead the way. Leave your mind open. Try your very best to see someone else’s success as inspiration for you to chase your own. Reach out to people you admire and ask for help or advice. I’ve met some of my most cherished friends this way! More often than not, we want to be of service to others because it makes us feel good to be admired; so, it’s a win-win all around. Not to sound too hippie-dippy, but what the world needs now really is love. And it’s much easier to have, and to get, when we push bias aside and let people show us who they are.