New to socializing solo? Why it can be beneficial to your journey.
For most of us, going to a social event alone (or even dining solo in public), is the stuff of nightmares. The experience can bring back those adolescent feelings of standing on the fringes of the lunchroom, tray in hand, sweating profusely while looking around for a “safe” table to seek refuge at. You feel like everyone’s eyes are on you, judging, wondering why you’re even there. Likely, this was not the case back then, and it certainly is not now, in adulthood. Yet the discomfort can be so profound that it stops us from even considering leaving the house without our partner or a friend; someone to talk to, a built-in safety net.
I, too, dread going places where I only know the person who invited me. Of course, the host or hostess has to be just that, and therefore all of their attention cannot be focused on you. So what now? Are you getting nervous just thinking about it? Me, too. But recently, as I pivot my career goals and embark on a new journey, I’ve found that networking comes with invites. This is great! Except, I have a small child, and my partner will likely stay home with him. So if I’m going to pursue new opportunities, I must go it alone. And here’s what I’ve found so far:
Socializing is an art
I’m 38, and so I can remember what constant face-to-face conversation feels like, pre-social media. What I didn’t realize, however, is how much I’ve missed it. When I was a child and my parents were teaching me about manners, my father used to remind me to look people in the eyes as much as possible when having a conversation. As well, it helps to truly listen to what the person you’re talking to is saying- don’t just prepare to respond. Being a great listener is a valuable skill and a quality that others sincerely appreciate. To me, it’s one of the highest compliments I can receive. I want people to feel comfortable communicating with me. It’s a great way to widen your social network -and net worth- as people are likely to relay to their circle how you make them feel. According to an article by HelpMates, “One of the best things you can do to get your next job is to practice this craft of interacting in person.”
Stepping out by yourself can actually be empowering
In the last few months, I’ve been invited to two major events in New York City, about an hour south of my home. Never one for crowded and loud spaces, I don’t typically frequent downtown (NYC can be a very cool place, of course- this is certainly not a jab). I’m at a point now, though, where I realize how much I need to put in face time with new connections. No one will know what I have to offer the world if I don’t actually go out into the world. So, the first time, I planned everything as far in advance as possible. My driving route, where I would park, and walking directions from said garage to the venue. I like to pay attention and not have my head in my phone when I’m out alone, so being prepared this way made me more confident and much less anxious. Once inside, I stood at the back of the space, just observing. Taking a moment to familiarize yourself with the room helps you feel less overwhelmed. I found my host and said a proper hello, thanking him for the invitation. And then, I asked if he thought I might make a good connection with anyone else in the room. Requesting introductions is a great way to curb the anxiety of blindly approaching strangers, and can lead to some extraordinary opportunities! I had a wonderful time and met people I’d actually been wanting to talk to. If I hadn’t shown up, I would have missed out on a lot of fun and some valuable exchanges. It was simply really nice to meet new people with common interests.
At the next event, I took the same preparatory measures, got all dressed up, and surveyed the room. Almost immediately, I made eye contact with a woman who had the warmest smile and a very kind way about her. She ended up coming to sit next to me, and for the next 30 minutes, we bonded over shared experiences and backgrounds. It was completely random, and felt amazing! The person who had invited me that evening was a guest of honor, and therefore I wouldn’t get a chance to say hello until halfway through the event. However, it was a wonderful opportunity to see my friend in her element, giving the audience a glimpse into her work and what makes her a celebrated professional. And when we finally did embrace, she was sincerely touched that I had come. It made her feel supported, and that was a huge win in my heart. On the way home, I was so excited to have seen her, to have made new allies, and just to have put myself out there! It felt incredible and so- adult.A new and unknown social setting can be inspiring
When you’re out of your comfort zone, your mind is absorbing a new experience. In a sense, you’re gathering raw materials for new ideas and creative endeavors. Once you’re back in your safe space, you can relax and reflect on everything you learned and enjoyed. These experiences also helped me feel more productive. I was able to sit down and write thank-you notes, and invite people I’d met to keep in touch, or collaborate further on something we’d discussed at the event. As old-school as it may sound, I also found that carrying a pen and small notepad in my clutch was helpful- notes that I took were a massive help to me later on, and reminded me of important things I may have otherwise forgotten.
I understand going it alone can be difficult, trust me. But if you’re here, reading this, chances are you’re already tempted to try things! I’m so proud of you for even considering it. You’ll be amazed at the doors that open up to you once people know that you’re there, and you can offer amazing things! It takes practice, but I promise the only thing you’ll have to regret is not putting yourself out there.
