Nothing is picture perfect
There will always be an excuse, a reason why you can’t -or shouldn’t- do something. This type of negative self-talk goes hand-in-hand with the buzziest of buzz words (buzz phrases?) at present- imposter syndrome.
Essentially, when we feel our academic background or current financial standing is disproportionate to our forward-facing success, we start to feel like it’s all a charade. As though we don’t deserve what we’re gaining or working toward because another area of our life is “lacking.” Okay, well let’s examine that. Social media, as we all know by now, is one of the major facilitators of anxiety and depression. We observe so many of our peers celebrating milestones, accolades, and achievements time and again, and we wonder what we should be doing differently in order to keep up with our cohorts.
However, what we’re not seeing on Instagram is the full picture (no pun intended. Ok, you got me, pun fully intended). A person you follow might be receiving a huge financial windfall after struggling for the last decade (unbeknownst to you) to break even and pay off bills, despite their thousands of followers. Now, it looks to you like yet another glamorous day-in-the-life of an uber-successful person. A different post shows a woman whose book is coming out next Tuesday -but inwardly, she’s really nervous because it cost her a small fortune to self-publish and now she’s responsible for the pressures and commitments of the marketing tour. To you, however, she’s written a bestseller and gets to lead a celebrity lifestyle. Point being, these positive things are indeed a huge win and should be celebrated- but we, on the outside looking in, have no idea what it took to get there, nor the physical, emotional, and spiritual toll the journey had on the individual working so hard to make their dreams a reality.
I say this because, at 9:00 a.m. this morning, I was running on a lakeside trail, breathing in the crisp fall air and admiring the misty sunshine. My son is in school, my husband at work, and I “get” to come home and write for a living. Then I thought, well, if my dad were here, I wouldn’t be doing this. And that, friends, is because the loss of my father, in many ways, was the catalyst for this part of my journey. My dad’s passing (and his incredible ability to organize paperwork and consider the future) left me in a position to be able to reconsider my life goals, desires, and what I really wanted to do. What kind of legacy I wanted to leave. Obviously, I would live in a shack and eat Ramen for the rest of my life if it meant bringing my father back. I only point all of this out in order to illustrate that none of us could ever fully reveal, in one perfect little captioned photo, the why and how of it all.
More often than not, something occurs to us along the way. A trauma, a positive experience, a trip, a birth…and it changes us irrevocably. It becomes the accelerant that lights our fire, and we say, “You know what? I’m just going to try this…” and we do. Once you start fanning the flames of a passion, it’s really hard to smother.
When I started understanding that I was, in fact, going to need to finish my Bachelor’s degree in order to write seriously and further my career, that was it. I became singularly focused on finding the right school, the right curriculum, and sticking with that plan. All of a sudden, the girl who could barely keep her eyes open in high school was Summa Cum Laude with a perfect GPA. It was so validating to know that I was succeeding now because I was pushing myself toward something I loved, that I wanted. Not that I was being forced toward.
After the sudden loss of my dad, there were certain pressures lifted from me; however, others, more insidious and seemingly unending, would creep in to replace any financial woes. Regardless, I needed to make something out of this. I became an advocate, I started writing furiously, I dabbled in podcasting, and I chased after what I needed to feel fulfilled.
Some days, I definitely examine my standing and wonder, “who do I think I am, trying to be a professional writer?” The answer is, I am someone who wants their picture to be an honest reflection of their reality. It’s a struggle to make dreams come true, and yeah, the circumstances that bring us closer may not always be ideal. However, you’re only an imposter if you’re not being true to yourself.
